Raising Awareness and Engaging the Community through Poetry

by Marlene Jezierski

Some of society’s greatest outrages have been precipitated from storytelling: loss of a Braille computer to a thief; loss of limbs in Iraq; loss of a child to a predator; loss of a life to domestic violence. Stories told often result in stimulating community engagement and action. Unfortunately, emotional abuse in intimate relationships is not often described in news stories, nor is it as well understood for what it is: power and control.

Art is a powerful tool that can bridge that gap. Poetry can enlighten the community and energize people to become more informed and involved. Storytelling through poetry can open the eyes of victims and the community in ways that news stories cannot, and it can evoke outrage.

Addressing the societal ill of intimate partner violence has been my passion for decades. It started when I worked as an emergency department nurse and came to a head when I wrote about why women stay in violent homes. The benign act of that writing 20 years ago became a banner I’ve carried since then. I saw the complexity of the problem and felt compelled to raise community awareness about intimate partner abuse. After retirement, I took classes at the Loft with a goal of bringing insight to the community through the written word.

My plan was to write articles, but after intensive writing and several classes, an instructor suggested poetry—and it became clear how beautifully that genre could work. For the next two years I wrote poems, took them to Loft classes and writers groups for workshopping, and reaped benefits from the priceless mentorship of poet and Loft instructor Jude Nutter, resulting in the final product—a collection titled Beyond the Mirror.

The seed for the book was planted during years of teaching family violence classes. As time passed, I recognized a significant knowledge gap—poor understanding of the deadly effect of emotional abuse. In the context of domestic violence, neither victims nor the community had a broad understanding of emotional abuse. It was not unusual for some class participants to take exception to the concept that words can be violent. They only recognized violent behavior when assault occurred. Also, if abuse victims are not punched or raped, or if their abuser hasn’t tried to strangle them, they sometimes don’t recognize that they are being battered. By words. Spoken words can be the worst form of abuse. Batterers can’t be jailed for verbally battering their victims, yet victims suffer deeply from wounds caused by such abuse. It can cause severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and multiple health problems. Victims have told me, “Sometimes I wanted to scream, ‘Hit me, just hit me! I can’t stand it any longer.’ ” And, “For 25 years, I never realized I was being abused and controlled because he never hit me.”

The poems in Beyond the Mirror describe a range of controlling behaviors that abusers use to keep their victims down. Subjects include rules victims must follow; understanding what “The Look” can mean; why it is not easy to end these relationships; and how children and pets can be hurt. The poems bring the subtleties of threats and put-downs into the consciousness of the reader. Victims may recognize themselves; friends and family may gain insight and be moved to become part of the solution.

I have read poems to classes and a variety of community groups, and shared drafts with colleagues. The response has been encouraging. Health care professionals appreciate the insight they’ve gained. Probation officers and therapists are using the poetry to demonstrate to their clients how they affect their victims. Battered women’s advocates see the poetry as a way to educate the community and to affirm victims. Social workers are using the book with clients.

It is not unusual for individuals to find themselves lacking words, not knowing what to say or do when they encounter real or possible abuse in the home. Partner relationships historically have been “private”—meant to stay behind closed doors. The words of the poems counteract violent language. Beyond the Mirror can break the silence, help people find words and actions to support victims, and prompt them to seek resources that help victims in violent relationships.

All of society is damaged by violence in the home. Future generations are affected as well. When loved ones and community members know the heart of the pain (and find a shared voice?), barriers between victims and those who care for their welfare dissolve.

There are many avenues that can lead to a peaceful world. Peace begins in the heart, in the home. And with a pen.

Beyond the Mirror will be launched at a poetry reading on Saturday, September 26, 2009. See alexandrahouse.org for details.      

He Never Hits Her

She watches, like a puppy

waiting for affection or a treat.

She watches—yet rarely

is there a gentle touch,

or loving eyes.

Instead, his eyes

are gunmetal.

His words are razors.

You’re getting fat.

What do you do all day?

You parent like your mother.

Where did you get that outfit?

You forgot to get my cleaning again.

It’s beyond me how you got a degree.

Your friends say they don’t like you.

You missed a spot when you vacuumed.

You forgot to use heavy starch on my shirts. Again.

You get an allowance because you can’t handle money.

All I ask is that you do what I ask.

You can’t do anything right.

She watches. And he turns, as though

she is a curl

of dog shit that one

would dispatch into sand

with a quick kick of his Nike.

He never touches her. With his fists.

Marlene Jezierski, a retired emergency nurse and passionate advocate for victims, has written articles and curriculum about domestic violence, conducted seminars throughout and beyond Minnesota, and received awards and community recognition for her work. Senator Paul Wellstone invited her to Washington to testify on the impact of violence on women’s health.